The Journey
The time has come. Almost two years to the day that I received word that I was a finalist for the Fulbright-Nehru US Student Research Fellowship program AND the day Washington D.C. alongside the rest of the US shut down. It was a roller coaster of a day to say the least. I was frantically cancelling plans to travel to Hawaii for my birthday, fielding messages from my boss that this would be our last day in office for “a few weeks” with instructions to “take [our] computers home'.“ Little did we know, two years, well more, of lockdowns and masks and vaccines and boosters would follow. Two pandemic birthdays later, I am purging a suitcase outside my dad’s house, praying it will magically lose 22 lbs without me having to take out my goodies stored inside. Side note, it didn’t BUT I did make it to the airport with two bags weighing in at 50.6lbs and 47lbs. Ya girl was proud.
On March 11th at 9am, I took off with four bags on an adventure I’d been waiting on for what feels like a decade. From hopeful “in a few months” promises to entire program reapplications to near cancellations, this program endured and finally I was on my way. It felt like a dream. I checked my bags, cheered a little at being underweight, and found a chair near the gate. Exhausted at 11am from the adrenaline crash, I sat thinking about the journey and what it taught me. A few things that I’ll share here that I hope will send you a little spark of hope if you too are stuck in a season of merry-go-rounds of “almosts.” First, I learned that I am not in control. I do not like to not be in control… which is likely why this challenge was put before me. I had no idea that I was going to apply in October of 2019 and then not be stepping foot in the soil of India until March 2022. And every step of the way, I was not the driver in this wild and crazy roller coaster called life. Secondly, I learned that community matters more than I ever knew. People there along the way to send an encouraging note, to pray with you, to pick your head up when it feels glued to the floor, community is everything. I know it isn’t easy to just BE part of a community. Especially during a pandemic when everyone is cooped in their rooms glued to a device. But, even if it is uncomfortable, seek others who can be in your court as you navigate the shrapnel being thrown your way. Third, trust the process. I realized the other day as I sat in silence in my new apartment that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without the last two years. The last few years have allowed me to slow and process and be humbled by the many circumstances. My heart has softened even more for those who are suffering. My mind has been racing with a curiosity about systems that may still overwhelm me as I dig deeper. But I’ve been being prepared for this time, this moment, this opportunity. This is the time I was meant to be here, despite how hard it has been to remain patient.
From the airport to the airport to the airport to the airport then finally to a hotel one and a half hours from the airport, on one beautiful sunday afternoon, I finally dropped my bags and crashed on the bed. What felt like days later, I finally felt the jet lag wear off and I could form proper sentences and stay up after 6pm. I viewed 22 apartments on the Tuesday after I arrived (ambitious and naive is a mad mix). And as the sun was setting into the clouds, I emerged to a rooftop that took my breath away. This is the one, I said to myself and Kumar and Shankar, who helped me find this place. I walked into a clean room (oddly hard to come by here) and then back out onto the terrace. My favorite flowering tree grew high to the balcony and my eyes scanned the landscape. Agara lake, Koramangala, and apparently Nandi Hills (beyond the smog) lied before me. A north-facing terrace prepared for me and my obsession with sunrises and sunsets. A gentle space that brought reprieve from the constructed ground below. A monkey shimmied up the tree and greeted us, reminding us whose terrace this really was.
I moved in this past Sunday and while the cold showers and the very firm mattress are adjustments, I am finding it to be a beautiful refuge after long immensely hot days. Drenched in sweat each day, I enter to find a cool, darkened space that invites rest. I am grateful.
My first Thursday, I got to meet colleagues from Azim Premji and wow was that fun. My research topic is being explored from so many angles here and it was such a reassurance that I was in the right place. DeChamma, Preeti, Enakshi, Harini… so many fantastic researchers who are also incredible caregivers and amazing teachers. I mean #lifegoals. My second week was filled with auditing courses, banking woes, and deep discussions about the changing Indian landscape and organic farming practices. I’ve felt incredibly welcomed by the team and once I figure out the best path from one building to the next, I’m set.
Next week, I’ll be shifting gears and digging into the research. I start the week with a tour with Seema’s class of Cubbon Park and the lakes that have been maintained and not maintained nearby. Tuesday and Thursday, I’ll have two classes (Research methods and GIS) and hopefully get to go back to the farm with Preeti and her students. Stay tuned for more updates. =)
l—ttle b—rd